Dear Apple,

As you certainly know by now, I’m a fan of your products. If you were an airline, I would be a Platinum Premier frequent flyer. I’ve bought three laptops, an iMac, three iphones, and at least four iPods in the last 10 years. And (as you’d know if you read my blog), my son is going to college in a month or so.

I wanted/needed to get him a laptop to use at college, instead of the old, slow, Windows XP-running PC desktop. We jointly determined that the MacBook was the appropriate choice. Since it needs to last four years, I decided to get it with as much RAM and disk as I could afford, and include an AppleCare warranty. That was back in May.

Having heard rumors that the MacBook lineup was going to be enhanced at this year’s WorldWide Developers Conference (WWDC), we decided to wait until yesterday. Sure enough, the MacBooks are now MacBook Pros, with substantially upgraded RAM and disk specs and (yay!) the addition of a SD card slot (the first non-DVD removable media device on an Apple in, well, forever?). I immediately got online and placed my order, since the machine we wanted now cost $400 less than it did last week.

And there, Apple, that’s where you decided to say, in the biggest, boldest words I can imagine, “WE DO NOT WANT YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!” I had $2,000 (Note: exactly $2,000—not $2,001) set aside to buy the laptop. With the addition of the accessories and the (free after rebate) iPod Touch, the total came out to be approximately $2,100. No problem; you offer the option to split the charge over two credit cards. I selected that option, and chose to have $2,000 charged to one card, and the remainder to another one.

Looking back at the timeline, it appears that you initially charged $1.00 to the card. This is fairly common, and I assume it’s because you wanted to verify that the card was valid. But then, Apple, you broke your word. You attempted to charge $2,000 to the card.

Let’s see, $1 + $2,000 = $2,001.

Actually, it’s a bit more complex than that. You charged $1 to the card, then you charged $433 (I’m guessing that’s part of the order that ships separately), then you tried to charge $1,567 to the card.

Ok, one more try: $1 + $433 + $1,567 = $2,001.

Do you see the problem here? Ok, let me spell it out for you, Apple. The $433 charge was approved (as was the $1 charge), but not the $1,567. I didn’t know this; all I knew was that the card had been declined.

So I went online, cancelled the order, and ordered it again (reducing the amount to be charged to the first account by $10). Same thing. Cancel that. Finally, I got smart enough to check my online balance; my “available balance” was no longer $2,000—it was now $1,132. Since those other charges had been approved, they’ve effectively debited my account for that amount.

So, Apple, I’m now stuck waiting until those charges clear that account. In the mean time, the clock is now ticking away, with only a couple of weeks left until we leave for college. Will there still be stock available? Will you be able to ship it to me on time? Or maybe you can tell me which of the MacBook Pros (4GB RAM, 320GB hard drive) I can get for $1,100?

I write this missive because there’s really no one else to talk to about it. I could go into the local Apple store and scream at one of the kids there, but they don’t deserve it. Moreover, there’s nothing they can do about it. However, by your choice, they are the public face of Apple, and the only real humans that your true fans like me can get access to. So it wouldn’t surprise me if, when you do this to someone else, they vent upon those poor geniuses.

Yours sincerely,
Glen